What does it mean to be emotionally healthy?

When we talk about emotional health quite often we believe it means that we have to feel good or stay calm all the time no matter what happens. However, it’s far more about how we relate to our inner world rather than being constantly positive. If we are emotionally healthy, we can notice our emotions understand them and respond to them without causing any undue stress to ourselves or others around us. Having good emotional health does not mean that you avoid difficult feelings such as anger sadness fear jealousy or disappointment because they are all part of being human. What it means is that we can deal with those emotions and choose how we act on them when they show up rather than allowing them to run our lives. A person with good emotional health is still able to feel deep emotions but they will not be overwhelmed by them.

A key part of emotional health is having good emotional intelligence. This means having a good sense of what you feel and why you feel it. This is developed by pausing, reflecting and recognising what is happening inside you instead of reacting automatically in the moment. Taking the time to pause and reflect especially in stressful or emotional situations allows us to give more thoughtful responses. Emotional health also relates to how we see ourselves and it allows us to recognise our strengths and limitations and be accepting of them. It means that we are able to acknowledge when we make mistakes and not judge ourselves for this and it also means that we can appreciate our achievements without believing that they are the only way of feeling worthy.

The relationships that we have with other people are also an important area where our emotional health plays a part. If we have good emotional health this doesn’t mean that we have perfect communication or that we don’t have any conflict in our relationships. What it does mean is that we are able to express our needs, listen to others, tolerate any disagreements and work to repair relationships when things go wrong. In an emotionally healthy relationship, there are clear boundaries and the relationship feels more supportive rather than being hard work and exhausting. It’s also important to remember that our emotional health is not fixed because life events such as stress, illness, loss, or major changes can affect our emotional health. Being emotionally healthy does not mean that we have a life without difficulties, but what it does mean is that we have the resources to be able to manage those difficulties without becoming overwhelmed.

How can we improve our emotional health?

• Pay attention to what is happening inside of us – Many of us are used to pushing our feelings aside or keeping ourselves busy to avoid dealing with certain emotions. If we take the time to check in with ourselves, even if it’s just for a moment we can start to build on our emotional intelligence. Simply noticing “I feel tense” or “I’m feeling low today,” is a good insightful first step. Learning to sit with those emotions rather than running away from them or trying to deny that they are there is another important skill to developing good emotional health. This does not mean that you must analyse or overthink every feeling that you have, it just means that allowing the emotions to exist helps them to be heard and therefore they become less scary than we first anticipated.
• Developing emotional language – Having more precise words for the emotions that we feel helps us to get some clarity about what is going on for us right now. When we name emotions in an accurate way it becomes easier to understand what we might need and quite often one emotion can mask another, so it’s really important that we try and sit with them, so that the true emotion is being heard.
• Setting boundaries – This is a really important practical way to protect your emotional health and it includes recognising your limits and deciding how to act on them. This could mean saying no to people or to invites, taking breaks or asking for support. Putting boundaries in place does not mean that you’re trying to push people away or to create distance, it’s about taking responsibility for your well-being and knowing what keeps your emotional health balanced. Spending time with people who improve your emotional health is also important, such as people who listen, respect differences, and allow honesty between you. Similarly, it is important to recognise which relationships leave you feeling drained or anxious and deciding on how to manage that.
• Basic self-care – This is such an important aspect of emotional health and although getting enough sleep, regular movement and time away from constant stimulation will not resolve challenges on their own, they make it easier to cope. When your body is exhausted from lack of sleep or too much stress, emotional balance becomes harder to maintain.
• Seeking help – Recognising that you need some support is not always a sign that there is something wrong, in actual fact it means that you have enough awareness to know when you need to reach out. Talking to a therapist or counsellor or even a trusted friend can help you see the patterns that you might miss on your own. Having good emotional health does not mean that you’re able to manage and deal with everything on your own, it’s about knowing when connecting with other people is part of your solution and knowing when to reach out for that support.

Being emotionally healthy does not mean that life becomes simple or free of its struggles, but what it does mean is that you develop the capacity to meet your experiences with greater awareness, and you learn more about what you need, to build the resources and resilience to cope with them. Over time that capacity makes both challenges and relationships feel more manageable.

Hayley McAuley

Psychotherapist

Curious Counselling & Psychotherapy